The Amazing Adventures of Riley

This is the second book of a series, so for people who may not have read the first book, The (Incredible) Fortunes of Riley, this is an introduction to explain how previous events affect this narrative... Our main character, Dan Riley, had some amazing good fortune in the process of his work. Part of which was clearing empty houses. This had led to him gaining an astounding amount of money... Twenty thousand pounds from a wild wager on a horse race, and a further two point four million pounds for the sale of some very rare art-works. This is comparable with a massive win on the lottery, and it all came in just a few months. Our man, Dan Riley is determined not to allow this fortune go to his head, or to alter his current lifestyle. Only four people know that he is now an extremely wealthy person, and they have all sworn to keep his secret to avoid them all being hounded by people with wild ideas of how to spend it for them. These are: Dan's wife Rose who has a Scottish accent; his farmer best friend, Bernie Brewster, and Bernie's wife Helen who is Welsh. As with the first book, all the speech is written as it would be spoken, or as close to it as possible. It may be difficult to follow at first, but soon becomes familiar.

1. Chapter 1: Back to reality. Rose and Dan do their homework. We pick up the story from the day after they have all returned from their honeymoon, and are gathered in Bernie's cottage to sort out the wedding gifts... Saturday morning was devoted to sorting out the pleasant task of dividing up all of the wedding presents. Far too many to list here. Naturally any duplicates were shared evenly. There were two these gifts of particular interest to Dan. One was a wall clock from his mother and sister back in Ireland. The face was a large shamrock. "Oi'm givin' this a special place ter display it." Dan said. "This is a wonderful ting me folks have done fer me." The other was a telephone handset with a reel of cable. The label said: 'Sorry, I'm not too clever at finding the right gift for such an occasion, but I have one of these and found it very useful, so I thought you would too. All my best wishes, and good luck for the future.' It was signed, Regards from Dick Ayers. "Now this will give me a phone out in me workshop," Dan said, "That'll save me runnin' inside each time it rings." Rose gave a smile at this, and said, "Ah suppose this means ye'll be hidin' out there fer half the day now, then. Hey no?" He grinned. "As if Oi would." She just crinkled her nose at him. "Ah think ye would, tae." she said. Bernie and Helen were still busy unwrapping the last few that they had missed the previous night, which had developed into a 'welcome home' party... There was a party atmosphere about this whole thing, too. As they divided the spoils, Helen had the notion that they might as well clear up the remains of last night's session. Strangely, no-one raised any argument. With glasses charged, they built two separate piles of items, all divided as equally as they could. It demonstrates the friendship bonds that they all had when both of the couples were more ready to give to the others, than hold on to anything. There was so much of it. With the presents more or less sorted into a 'who takes what' set of piles, they all sat back with their drinks to relax for a while. Dan suddenly had a thought, "Oi have a feelin' neither o' yer girls are in the mood ter be cookin' are yer?" They both looked at him, blankly. Then Rose said, "Aye. Ye're right, but what dae ye intend tae dae about it, can ye work magic, mon?" "Well, Oi can try to." he said, "Bernie, where's yer phone book?" Bernie lifted Helen off the sofa, and pulled out the big yellow pages from under the cushion. "Hey, bully boy. Don't man-handle me," Helen protested, but she was smiling as she said it. Bernie grinned at her and said, "That bit comes later, me lovely. We'm in company now so be'ave yerself." He passed the book to Dan, who flipped through the pages."This'll do." he said. "Who feels like a Chineese curry meal, then?" Helen asked. "Will it be hot curry? I don't like it too hot." Dan grinned, and said, "It comes as yer ask fer it. If it tastes too hot fer yer we can always tame it down with a dollop o' yer cream off the top o' the milk. How's that suit yer?" Helen still looked worried, but she said, "All right, then." Rose said, "Ah'm up fer it!" Bernie grinned, and said, "Can yer get them ter bring it then?" "That's what it says 'ere Bern. Deliveries anywhere." "Arr, that 'ud be right 'andy, then." Bernie said. Dan dialled the number from the book, and an oriental sounding voice answered. Dan asked how much it would cost to deliver to the village. 2. "Oh no, sir, that is too far. We can't do that." Dan said, "Oi'm ready ter pay yer what ever it costs ter deliver out here. There's four of us need feedin' here." Again he met opposition. "Sir, please understand. My man would be away for nearly one hour to deliver there. I maybe will have other people wanting delivery in town." Dan was not going to give up easily. "Tell me now. How busy are ye right now?" "Well sir, not really. It is a bit early yet." "Right." said Dan, "Twenty minutes each way. Yer man will be back before any rush starts. Oi'm ready ter pay yer five pounds on top o' the order ter get some food in here. D'ye want the order or not?" There was a pause. Then some chatter in the background. "Hello sir." the voice came back on the line. "My boss has said you can have your order, but you have to have the money ready when we get there. Is that all right for you, sir?" Dan smiled. "Right then, we need four meat curries. Two mild and two medium hot. Two portions o' rice, an' a pot o' yer mango chutney, if yer please." "Very good, sir." And he gave Dan the price. "Yer money will be waitin' fer yer, tank yer." Dan said, and rang off. Bernie grinned and said, "Bugger Oi, that took some doin' didn't it?" Dan said, "Oi got there, though." and grinned back. Rose looked a bit annoyed, and said so. "Ah'm not so sure ye should be usin' ye're money tae get what ye want, mon. That cannae be right." Dan looked into her face and said, "They said in this phone book that they deliver anywhere, so Oi made 'em do what they said." Then he added, "Oi never say Oi can do if Oi can't do. They should be the same, right?" "Ah see where ye're comin' from, ma man, but Ah'm nae too sure Ah'm all that happy about it." Dan said quietly, "Oi felt Oi had a point ter make, that's all." Rose nodded, then said, "Ah guess so." He could see she was still not too pleased, but he would explain himself to her later. It took a good half hour for their food to arrive. It was delivered in a battered old van with a lot of Chinese writing on the side, and (obviously) a telephone number. That bit was in English, of course. Bernie answered the door, with Dan right behind him. While Bernie took the packages into the kitchen, Dan paid the man just exactly what he asked for. No tip. Helen dished out the curries onto four plates and sniffed them to decide which were the hottest. Rose tipped out the rice into a large bowl and gave it a stir. "Hey now, there's an awfae lot o' rice here." she said. Dan smiled, "There always is with this stuff." he said. Rose doled out rice onto each plate, and they all sat down to eat. "Needs some salt." Bernie said, and gave his portion a good dose. The others decided they didn't need it. When they had eaten enough, Bernie passed round more glasses of his cordial. But not the strong stuff. Four satisfied people sat back, and relaxed. Not for too long, though. After about fifteen minutes there was a knock at the door. Bernie went, and found Lucy Smith standing there. Lucy is the landlord's wife from the pub across the road: 'The Old Grey Mare'. "Charlie sent me." she said, "There are a few people waiting in the bar to see you all. He said not to worry, they're all friendly." Bernie grinned, "Tell 'im we'll be over shortly. We'm only just 'ad a big meal, an' we'm too full ter 'urry, right?" "I'll tell him." she said, and she was gone. Bernie told the rest of them, and Helen looked annoyed. 3. "Well I don't feel like being in the pub tonight. she said. Rose nodded. "Me neither." she agreed. Dan looked at Bernie. Bernie looked at Dan. It was Dan who spoke; "Oi don't tink they are goin' ter let us get away with it, so it looks like you an' me Bern." He added, "Oi hope yer pair o' chickens are not goin' ter give us poor sods a pile o' grief fer goin' are yer?" This time it was the women who exchanged glances. Rose said "Ye ken fine we'll be talkin' about ye both while ye're gone, don't ye?" She had a smile on her face as she said it. "Oi would never doubt it fer a minute." Dan said. From this they knew they were allowed out to play... They sat back another ten minutes or so to be sure that their meal had settled, then went to see what was waiting for them in the pub. As they stepped through the door, a cheer went up. There were two tables pushed together to make a large one, and seated around it were eight men who were not locals. (If you read the first book, you will know the names already.) At the head of the table was Smokey Grimes, and round the table was the remaining crew from Dan's last platoon in the army: Boggy Marsh (Steve), Shifty Crooke (Bill), Smitty (Len Smith), and making up the numbers were; Pinky Green (Peter), Sparky Parkes (Joe), and Tommo (Anton Tombasin). The last man on the list was an army cook they had adopted into their gang. Dan stood there stunned. "How the hell did this come about?" he asked. Smokey stood up, and said, "Before we start, we have a new member to the gang. This here is Reckless's best mate Bernie, and I want you all to treat him as one of our own." Dan's adopted name of Reckless was all his team ever called him. It was earned from some wild adventures in the army with this group of men. Then Smokey said to Dan, "It took a bit of doing, but I managed to track down the rest of our last crew. What do you say to that, then, Reckless?" Dan stood there stunned for a moment. Then he said, "Oi'm a bit taken by surprise with all o' this, but Oi'm well pleased ter see yer all here t'night. Oi mean, Oi'm glad ter see all o' yer faces again. We've all got a lot o' catchin' up ter do." The beer began to flow, and the stories began to be told. Each of the men had a different tale to tell, and as the night wore on, they became more and more outrageous. Bernie sat there amazed. "Is all this stuff true?" he asked. Smokey grinned, "All of this, and a lot more, mate." They hadn't taken any notice of how many of the regulars were listening in. Dan (Reckless) staggered to his feet, and addressed the gang; "Gentlemen, Oi have ter tell yer, yer not gettin' the best o' me 'cos Oi have been at the drink all afternoon. So has me mate Bernie. So Oi'm askin' yer all ter forgive me if Oi fall off the table later." He looked at them all in turn. "My band o' brothers. Oi want yer ter know Oi never forgot any on o' yer. Now, Oi have ter tell yer, Oi may not hold up t'night, so we are goin' ter sort out another time ter make a proper job o' this re-union ting. Are we in favour?" They all raised their glasses, and the chorus was "Yeah!" Then he reached into his pocket and found a sheet of paper, and a pencil. "Right lads, Oi want yer contacts on 'ere, an' phone numbers if yer got 'em. Alright?" They all did just that, and once the sheet had gone right round the table and back to Dan, he picked it up, kissed the page, and put it away safe in his wallet. "Thank yer, boys. Oi will be in touch. Yer know that." What the men didn't see was a pair of ladies creeping into the lounge bar while they were all telling their stories. Rose flagged Charlie at the bar, and put her finger to her lips to indicate he keep quiet about them being there. Charlie understood immediately. 4. He served them a drink each, and they stood back away from the serving hatch so that they could see into the bar without being seen by anyone in there. Rose grinned and said "Aw, just like a gang o' wee boys. Ah have a feelin' we're no' getting home tonight." Helen nodded, and said, "We'll just have to dump them on the sofa. There isn't enough space in the spare room with all those presents, is there now? I think you and me will have the bed to ourselves." Rose grinned, "Aye, ye're right." Then she had a thought. "We'd best make sure yon two don't try tae get in with us, hey no?" "What are you thinking?" asked Helen. "Ah'm putting a big sign on the door, 'KEEP OUT' "she said, "An' Ah'm puttin' a chair agin' the door tae." Helen was grinning now. "Serves them right." she said. Then they quietly finished their drinks and crept out before they were seen by the gang in the next room. Sunday morning finds our two menfolk waking up in the living room. Bernie took the armchair with a cushion on a small chair for his legs. Dan had the sofa. Wisely, they didn't try to disturb the ladies the night before, but now they would. Bernie made the teas, and two coffees for the girls while Dan set up his speciality: Gypsy toast. Bernie knocked on the door and called, "Get yer bums out o' bed. Coffee waitin' an' gypsy toast in the pan. 'Tis 'alfway through the mornin' yer lazy pair o' madams!" There was the sound of a thud, as someone's shoe hit the door. Then a lot of giggling. Bernie said, "Right then, we'll just eat the lot." There was the sound of some shuffling, then the door opened just a crack, and Rose peered out. "Did ye say Gypsy toast?" she asked. "Frying now, an' Oi'm ready fer the first slice." Bernie told her. There came a series of thumps, and bumps from the bedroom, then two rather dishevelled females emerged in their nightgowns. Dan looked at Bernie and said, "Oi'm not sure these two are dressed properly fer breakfast mate. What d'yer tink?" Rose stared at him and said, "Ah dare ye!" Bernie grinned, "Oi'm sayin' bugger all." he said. Rose came close to Dan and said, "Hey now, ye ken fine how much Ah love ma Gypsy toast. Dinnae torment a poor wee lassie." Dan grinned, "Got yer weak spot, did Oi?" She smiled. "Ye're a wicked man, Dan Riley." Both the women picked up their cups of coffee, then, after a mouthful, they grabbed a plate each, and waited to be served. Of course, they all had to take turns for one slice at a time so they could have it hot from the pan. Dan was eating his while cooking the next slice each time. The whole performance took nearly half an hour, and it gave all four of them a very tasty breakfast. Then Dan turned to Rose and asked, "Do Oi go an' get me van fer our share o' the spoils, or do yer want ter use yer new car?" She crinkled her nose at him, again. "Ah think ye're just gettin' a wee bit lazy, mister. Ah'll let ye get ye're van, but make sure ye have some sheets down. We dinnae want tae get all this stuff dirty, hey no?" Bernie grinned. "Yer boss 'ave spoken." he said. Helen gave him a prod. "Don't you go stirring, boyo. That's my best friend you're mocking there." Bernie put on a face of contrition. "Do that mean Oi'm in the dog'ouse again?" he asked. "I'm still thinking about it." she said. Which just served to show that everything had gone back to it's normal state of regular banter. Bernie turned to Dan and said, "Oi'll walk up with yer. Give these stroppy women a chance ter get tidied up a bit. Oi need ter see 'ow me bloke is doin' with the milkin' anyway." "Right ye are then Bern." Dan said, "We'll get out o' their way." 5."Aye, an' no sneakin' off tae the pub without us, tae!" Rose cried. Bernie grinned, "As if we would, har, har." he said. The Sunday mid-day session at the Old Grey Mare was full of the previous night's events. Since they had their ladies with them, they went into the lounge bar, but they could be seen from the other room. Each time one of them went to the serving hatch there was a comment from one or other of the locals next door. Naturally the locals had been listening in to all these tales of the gang's adventures in foreign parts. This morning there was a certain atmosphere of wonder that this happy-go-